Firelight
by PrincessRachel13
Summary: She was jolted from her sleep. Nightmares. She could feel the sweat on her forehead. When she took a deep breath she thought she was still asleep. A new nightmare—a conscious one.... SS, R&R!


**---F**irelight---

Disclaimer: Unfortunately Seth and Summer do not belong to me.

Ummm just read. Takes place after The Graduates. This goes back and forth from real time to the past. Hope it doesn't confuse anyone.

* * *

When she woke up everything was blurry. Her eyes felt heavy and without seeing herself she knew they were bloodshot, they burned, she could feel it. His face was above hers. He had saved her, really saved her. "Am I on my death bed?" she choked out. Smoke seemed to leak out her mouth but it didn't—just her imagination.

His hand reached for her face but sought no skin. His thumb slowly traced the contour of her face. "I hope you're not," he finally answered her. "Not for a really really really long time."

"Ok," she mouthed, seeming to except that answer. "Cohen, I'm really thirsty."

"Alright, I'll go get some water. Do you need anything else?"

She shook her. "Just the water. Hurry."

He walked through the door and was gone.

* * *

It was Saturday. Summer woke up at the Cohens', not really remembering the night before. Her head was pounding. She slowly slid out of bed, not wanting to wake Seth. Standing up was a bad idea. Her insides were rising up from her stomach. The bathroom seemed so far away. Five, ten steps—she collapsed on the floor and buried her head in the porcelain prison. It was a welcome relief till she lifted her head, brushed her hair away, and saw into the bowl. It was beyond disgusting. Her head fell back down. She coughed and gagged till she heard rustling and looked up to see Seth's face.

"Are you ok?" he asked, internally fighting to be sympathetic or cold towards her.

Summer could feel the tears spilling over her eyelids. "No." She grabbed a wad of toilet paper and wiped her mouth. "I feel awful."

"I wouldn't think you'd feel good."

With tears clouding her eyes, she caught the coldness in his voice. His arms were crossed and he was leaning against the door frame. "What?" She didn't really know what she was asking but it was the first thought.

"You drank like a whole handle of vodka last night… or do you not remember?"

Summer stood on shaky legs, her hand reaching to the sink for support. Obviously Seth wasn't going to help her. "Why?... what happened?"

"What happened? God Summer you tried to drive!" His voice cracked. "Jesus… you scared the shit out of me. Do you know that?"

She didn't really hear him. "I need to lie down." She walked by him, feeling his eyes on her, but halted when he grabbed her arm. Their eyes met.

For once words failed Seth and he dropped his hand back to his side. She walked back to his bed and climbed under the covers.

* * *

Summer reached for the cup that Seth offered. Two gulps and it was gone. With a labored grunt, she fell back on the pillow. Seth took the paper cup from her hand and set it down.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

She slowly turned her head and looked into his eyes. "You saved me." Her wandering hand found his. "Cohen, you saved me." He nodded. "Did I say thank you?"

"You don't have to."

"Well, thank you. I didn't know you were the hero type."

He smiled. "Well, when I have to be…"

Suddenly a thought hit her. She sat up suddenly, wincing slightly. "Cohen. What about my dad? Where's my dad?"

His face instantly dropped.

* * *

Seth closed his eyes, clenching his fist, fighting the urge to say something or walk away before he put his foot in his mouth. He turned his back and grudgingly walked downstairs into the kitchen. No coffee. He opened the cupboard, lifting the box of Lucky Charms—empty. Sighing heavily he slammed the box on the counter.

He didn't know where everyone was but he could only think of Summer. Yesterday he had gone to her house—empty except for her— to find her completely drunk off her ass. She was in her room with a puddle of spilled vodka on her carpet and a photo album sprawled on the floor next to her. There were some pictures pulled out, ripped, with bits of Marissa's body detached and separated from Summer's smiling face. She was crying, and sobbing, and drinking, and missing, and spilling. She was a mess in every sense of the word.

When she saw him she stood, almost fell, and broke down again. Seth took her into his arms, let her hit him, let her express her pain. He had only left her for a few hours. And damn her fucking father for leaving her. And damn being rich because alcohol was always around.

After a little while she seemed to calm down and when he suggested taking her drink away she screamed at him. She cursed, he yelled, it was ugly. Her cup just barely missed his head. She was reaching for her keys while he grabbed the vodka. But it was too late. She was already smashed and she was already walking out the door. He caught her by the wrist but she pulled away.

Seth rubbed the back of his neck. He caught a bruise from last night, from Summer. It hurt but not as much as their fight had hurt him. She couldn't even remember now and she wouldn't talk to him.

He filled up the coffee pot with water and turned it on. When he heard footsteps he knew they were Summer's. He took a deep breath.

* * *

"Cohen, please. Where's my dad?"

He blinked, trying to look anywhere but in her eyes. "Summer," he said softly. He threaded their hands but she pulled back.

"Tell me."

He took a deep breath, it coming in ragged—nervously. "God, Summer. I'm so sorry." He took another breath. "He… didn't make it. I… he… god."

Seth watched as her features slowly registered the information. She bit her lip, hard. She could feel the taste of blood before she could feel the tears but they were both there. "That's two," she choked. "Two. Gone."

Seth felt like crawling into a hole. God, Moses, everyone was really testing her willpower. He wished he could trade shoes with her, even for a second, if it helped.

* * *

"Hi," Summer said meekly.

Seth just nodded. The sound of percolating coffee held their attention for a moment. Neither seemed to want to face each other.

Summer knew, obviously, that she had hurt Seth, but apologizing was cheap when she really didn't remember doing whatever she did. She pulled up a stood and sat at the table. "Look…" she started.

"I…" he said at the same time.

"You go." She reached for an orange on the table, busying herself with the pealing, and not on Seth's face.

"I just want you to know that last night, you really scared me, but it's ok because I know you were going through a hard time."

She looked up now. "Really?"

He shrugged. "Well… I wish you would have called me. I would have come over if I'd known you were alone."

"But I _wanted_ to be alone."

"Ok… but you didn't have to drink."

Her hands stilled. "I thought you just said you understood?"

He opened the cupboard for a cup. "Well yeah, but not a whole fifth of vodka." The cup clattered on the counter.

"My best friend just fucking died. What the hell am I supposed to do?"

Again he shrugged. "Talk?"

"Is that what you would do? Just like you talked when Ryan left and sailed away on your damn sailboat like a damn coward?" She ripped the last peal off, frustrated. It flew out of her hand and fell on the floor.

"That is… not the same."

"No. That is totally relevant. I'm going to deal with this however I want." She stood up, forgetting about the orange. "I gotta go."

* * *

The nurse walked in finding Summer bent over in Seth's arms. She heard her crying in the hall and was worried.

"Ms. Roberts?" she asked. "Are you ok? Are you in any pain?"

"Lots," she mumbled through tears, against Seth's shirt.

"More painkillers?" she asked uncomfortably.

Seth shook his head no. "Can we just have some time please?"

"Absolutely. If you need anything just come get me."

"Wait," Summer blurted out. Slowly she lifted her head, adjusting the bandage. "I want to see my father. Is he here?"

* * *

"Summer, wait, come on," Seth called, going after her. His clumsiness got in the way and he knocked the cup onto the floor. It broke cleanly down the center. "Fuck."

When he looked back up the front door was closed. He stepped over the glass and ran after her. She didn't have her car, she wouldn't get far. Hell she was still in her pjs. "Summer," he called before the door was half open. She was half way down the driveway, seeming to ponder how she was going to get home.

"Just leave me be, Cohen."

"Summer come on. Be rational."

Her hands found her waist. "I'm being perfectly rational."

"You're not, but let me at least give you a ride home."

She swiveled around, finally rolling her eyes. "Fine."

Summer got out and slammed the door as soon as they pulled into her driveway. Frustrated, Seth slammed his fist into the steering wheel. "Ow, shit."

* * *

"See him?"

"Yes, see him," she said, her voice unwavering.

"Summer," Seth said softly. "You sure that's such a good idea?"

She looked at him pleadingly. "I want to."

"Oh ok." He wanted to throw up at the thought, but tried not to think about it. "I'll come with you."

"Um, ok," the nurse said. "I'll be right back with a wheelchair."

"Sweetie, why do you need to see him?" Seth combed his fingers through her hair. It stopped short.

"Because… I just do."

"Ok."

* * *

The house was quiet. She saw her dad's car but he wasn't around. Working—he was always working, at work and at home. Summer slid down the door after it shut behind her and started to cry. "I hate this." The sound was muffled through her hands but it didn't matter. She was all alone. She cried for a few more minutes before she decided she was acting overly mellow dramatic and stood up. She whipped the tears with the back of her hand and walked up to her room.

Her room was a wreck from the night before but the last thing she wanted to do was relive it. Instead she climbed into bed, reveling in the warmth. She passed out as soon as her head hit the pillow.

She was jolted from her sleep. Nightmares. She could feel the sweat on her forehead. When she took a deep breath she thought she was still asleep. A new nightmare—a conscious one.

A cloud of smoke had gathered around her bed then on cue the smoke detector started to go off. She pinched herself. Fuck, not dreaming. What was happening? She was scared. Why wasn't Cohen here? Her first instinct was to go back to sleep and pretend nothing was happening. But something was seriously happening.

She threw off the sheets and coughed as she stepped down into the smoke. She started to shake, not from cold although she was that too, but out of fear. Once out of her room she realized the downstairs was much worse. The smoke stung her eyes as she looked over the banister. She blinked. A flame. Lots of them actually. This was very real.

As if things couldn't possibly get any worse—she started to feel her lungs literally collapsing. They were tightening, like being wrapped in seran wrap. "Omg… dad!" she crocked, but it wasn't loud. On wobbly legs she hurried back to her room. She searched with her eyes but didn't see her inhaler. Then she fell.

* * *

Dr. Roberts was lying on a hospital bed covered in a white sheet. He was gone. Seth was fine with this information, well, with actually not physically seeing him in all his glory. Summer reached for him and he stopped her.

"Seriously, Summer, don't do it."

"He's my dad," she said pushing his arm away. "Just… go away if you don't want to be here."

"But… fine."

He put his hand on her shoulder for support as she leaned forward in the wheelchair. She grasped the sheet in her fingers, faltering for a moment. Her fingers looked incredibly white, well, all of her looked incredibly white to think of it. One inch, two inches… she stopped after that. Tears filled her eyes and her hand fell to her side.

* * *

Seth sat on his bed for a good twenty minutes, unmoving, mulling over his fight with Summer. Was he being insensitive? Was she being stubborn? Finally he just decided he needed to see her. Forget everything—he just wanted to be there for her.

He drove as fast as he could without going over the speed limit, which he realized as soon as he got there was not fast enough… at all.

He had an uncomfortable feeling in his gut when he got out of the car but it intensified ten-fold when he opened the front door, thankfully unlocked. The smoke was like a fist, almost knocking him on his ass. He had to grasp the doorframe to hold him up. His first thought miraculously was not Summer. His first thought was to faint. His next thought was Summer. His heart wanted to thump out of his chest but he mustered up as much bravery as he could, dialed 911, then went to find the only girl he'd ever loved.

"Summer!" he cried desperately, falling into the house, his lungs filling completely with smoke. "SUMMER!"

The fire had consumed much of the downstairs, all of the left side at least, and had trickled up the stairway. If he knew his girlfriend at all, she had to of been in her room, she always was. Except the stairs were on fire. Fuckin fire. Real fire. "Holy fuck," he said out loud.

He took a deep breath, forgetting about the smoke and coughed. He shook his head quickly then like the superheroes he reads about everyday he dashed up the stairs, the fire licking his heals, but only for an instant. Before he knew it he reached the top.

When he saw her he wanted to die. He felt like he was being sucked through a worm hole, drifting back to the days where innocent women were burned at the stake. He grabbed the closest thing that wasn't burning, her blanket, and wrapped it around her, beating the fire off her. Seth dragged her a few feet away, wishing desperately for the firemen to show up. Now they both needed to be saved.

"Summer," he cried, lifting her chin in his two fingers. "Oh god, wake up."

Her flesh was literally melting. It was burned. Toasted. Oh god. Seth never prayed but he prayed now. He thought about CPR or something, anything. The flames got closer so his only solution was to get them the hell out of there. He needed to protect her. They both needed to survive this day. He loved her.

* * *

She felt stuck in reverse. She wanted to be fixed. Fix me. "Cohen, fix me." She was back in her hospital bed.

"Just tell me how." He wanted to protect her from everything. She had experienced too much pain for one tiny person.

She exhaled deeply. "I wish I knew."

"Well… I'll always be here."

Summer felt her eyes watering for about the bizillionth time in the past few days. It wasn't fair. Life was cruel and mean and just…. wrong. Her gaze fixated on the opening door. Seth's parents were here… which was fine… just not hers.

* * *

Seth's last thought before he blacked out was how incredibly worried he was. His arms were around Summer and then…. Nothing.

He was revived some time later. He woke with an oxygen mask covering his mouth. He was in an ambulance. His body jostled and he presumed they were on the way to the hospital.

Summer. Summer was there. Summer had an oxygen mask. Summer was breathing. Summer was awake. She was alive. Tears escaped Seth's eyes out of shear relief.

An EMT was talking to him but he was a million miles away. His Summer was ok. He held her hand, her scared, burned hand. Her body was covered with a blanket but he knew one side of her was badly burned. Part of her hair was disintegrated and bits of her face were blotchy and crispy. None of it mattered. She was alive. She would be ok. He ripped his oxygen mask off, hearing protests but not caring, and placed kiss after kiss on her forehead.

* * *

Sandy and Kirsten showered Summer with kisses and hugs and apologies and everything else.

"How are you sweetie?" Kirsten asked. Summer could feel Kirsten's sympathy oozing out of her and wanted to sink into the bed. She didn't want people feeling sorry for her. She just wanted people to hold her up, without too much talking, just to be there when she needed them.

"I'm… ok. I have to go to the bathroom. Seth? Can you help me?"

He was on his feet immediately, reaching under her frail body, lifting her into his arms. "We'll be right back," he mouthed to his parents. He brought her to the adjoining door and set her on her feet. Summer could probably walk and she didn't need an escort or a wheelchair but she was his baby and he wanted to make every little thing less of a hassle on her.

She didn't really have to go pee or anything. She needed a mirror. She took two steps so she was facing it. She took a huge gulp and looked into her own eyes. It was a hideous site. She started crying harder than when Marissa died. Her face was head down in the sink before Seth pulled her up. He knew exactly what she was thinking.

"Summer, I love you. Don't you ever forget that."

"But… look. I'm… ugh."

Seth shook his head profusely. "No, you're the most beautiful girl in the world… with some unfortunate scarring." He stood behind her, looking at their reflection together. "I like us." His arms pulled her against his body, resting his chin against the side of her head. "Everything will be ok."

"Things have been pretty shitty as of late." She sunk into his touch, resting her hands along his.

"Well… not anymore."

"Ok," she agreed. For a minute she didn't see the bandages on her body, she just saw them. And it was perfect.

"Shit can happen to me now. It's only fair."

She laughed. "No shit." The gauze hid the scars for now… but not forever.

* * *

A few days later Summer was released. Naturally she stayed with Seth. She didn't really have a choice. Her house was… burned.

If the summer wasn't subdued enough by Marissa's death, it was totally worse now. Summer couldn't really go outside, she couldn't really do anything. She wallowed and cried and bitched all day. And Seth was always there. It was summer, he didn't have school or a job, he just was there. He did his best to attempt to make her feel better but it was really no use. She would not stop wallowing. Marissa's funeral… then her dad's funeral… too much. It had been a rocky few weeks.

Summer woke up out of the blue. She was scared. She was scared of a lot of things, but in that instant, mostly about school. "Cohen," she whispered, shaking his shoulder. "Cohen, wake up," she said louder.

His eyes flicked open briefly seeing her face then shut again. "What?" he asked sleepily.

She pushed his chest. "No, open your eyes." He obliged slowly. "Look at me."

"Yeah? What?"

She sat up straighter, against the headboard. "No, looook at me. I'm disgusting. Cohen, I can't go to school like this. People will laugh at me." She was completely serious.

"Summer, no one will laugh at you." He was sleepy and truth be told kind of brushing her off. But it was a ridiculous thought. She was beautiful regardless.

"Cohen!" She didn't mean to really hit him…that hard.

His eyes flashed open. "Jesus Christ women!"

"I'm sorry! You weren't listening!"

He rubbed his chest. "I was." He rubbed his eyes, choosing to sit up. He didn't want to get punched again. "You have nothing to worry about. If they say anything to you I'll kick their ass."

She laughed at that and he glared at her. "Ha, ok Cohen. Sure you will. Not only will you be 3,000 miles away but I mean come on…. You're scrawny."

"Feck you."

She only laughed harder. He was tickling her when she opened her eyes. "Cohen!" she shrieked. "OW stop!" His hands stopped immediately. She took a deep breath. "I was kidding, that didn't hurt."

"I hate you." He was half on top of her, holding himself up of course. It was three in the morning. He was happy despite everything but she was leaving him soon in a month or so.

"You don't really." She reached her hands around his neck.

"No, you're right. It's a complete lie." His head dipped towards her lips. It felt like they hadn't kissed since… forever. And it felt nice. When his hand felt the gauze around her chin he pulled back. "This," he said touching it, "is sexy, don't worry."

She smiled wide. Any other person, any other situation, she would have frowned, but not him. Then it dropped when a thought hit her. "It's so uncomfortable." She looked at her mutilated hands. "Seth, I hate this." Her eyes welled with tears. She couldn't stop it. It was like an automatic reaction as of late. Tears were the best answer.

"Summer," Seth said ducking his head, placing kisses along her cheeks, "please don't cry." He slid his fingers along her gauze free side. "I hate to see you cry. The Summer I know doesn't cry."

"I can't stop."

Seth rolled onto his back, pulling Summer into his arms. She winced naturally and he withdrew. She shrugged it off, laying her head on his chest. "Come with me," she whispered.

"What?"

Her head turned so her chin was on his chest, her eyes looking into his. "Come to Rhode Island with me. Please. It would mean a lot."

"Really?"

"Yes, really." She nodded for emphasis.

Seth pondered it. He would definitely love to go with her… now. He hated to think about having to wait till January to really be with her. Thanksgiving, Christmas… that was so long, too short. If he did go, where would he live? It was kind of late to plan. Why hadn't they thought of this before? It's not like he had loose ends to tie in Newport while she was away. He had absolutely nothing to do. Ryan would be at Berkley… hopefully, if he could ever get over Marissa. And his parents well, they would always be here so… whatever.

"Summer, I would love to go with you but…"

"But what?" She looked sad. He wanted to take it back. No but.

"Would we get an apartment?"

She nodded. "Well yeah. You couldn't live in my dorm."

A smile graced his face, broadening till it transferred to Summer's. "Let's do it."

His lips found hers before she could respond. She bit on his bottom lip for a second before pulling back. "I love you, Cohen."

* * *

Two days before her classes started, they were moving into their apartment. They were ten minutes from campus. Seth's parents had hooked them up well. It was perfect. She was surprised they had even found a place. Sandy and Kirsten were reluctant to let Seth go but he was adamant on his decision. They finally obliged… and paid for it. Bonus.

Summer collapsed on their bed. "I'm spent."

"You didn't do shit," Seth said out of breath.

"Neither did you, pansy."

"Ha funny… I believe I just helped move in the couch." He flopped down on the bed beside her, hitting her leg for her to move over some.

"Lifting too fingers is barely helping. The movers pretty much did everything liar."

"They were very thankful for my help. They even said so."

She rolled her eyes. "They're after your wallet dummy."

"Summer… not everyone is greedy like you."

"Sorry, I grew up in Newport."

* * *

Summer's first day of classes came and went—all too slowly for Seth. He stayed at home doing nothing but twiddle his thumbs and play video games. He felt more like a dad than a boyfriend. When she got home he asked her how her day was, how she liked her professors, and watched her cry. He held her in his arms feeling more like a dad for sure.

"Summer, what happened? What's wrong?"

She sniffled, burying her head deeper into his shoulder, if only she could. "People stared. They laughed. I'm ugly. Make it go away."

He held her tighter, slowly rocking her. "What do I have to do to prove to you you're not ugly?"

She shrugged not showing her face.

"Just trust me."

"Alright, well, I trust you. Just not everyone else."

He brushed his thumbs over her cheeks. "Who cares about everyone else."

­­

"I do." She yawned and tugged on his hand. "I wanna go to bed."

* * *

Summer got out of the shower and stood in front of the mirror. She tried to see what Seth saw. She didn't really know what he saw, because frankly all she saw were scars. She couldn't look past that. She didn't blame other people for not being able to either. It was really gross. You couldn't help being drawn to it, and not in a good way. She wore plenty of makeup but it didn't help. Nothing really helped. Whenever she looked at herself she thought of that day, of Marissa, of her dad, about Cohen coming to her rescue. He really saved her. Any longer and she would have been fried. They were awful memories that she would carry with her for a long long time. Forever.

A/N: Umm so I may write another part just to end it, well, better. But let me know what you think. Thanks


End file.
